Here's what the Encyclopaedia Galactica has to say about alcohol. It says that alcohol is a colourless volatile liquid formed by the fermentation of sugars and also notes its intoxicating effect on certain carbon-based life-forms.

         The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.

         It says that the effect of drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brain smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick.

         The Guide also tells you on which planets the best Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters are mixed, how much you can expect to pay for one and what voluntary organisations exist to help you rehabilitate afterwards.

         The Guide even tells you how you can mix one yourself.

         Take the juice from one bottle of that Ol' Janx Spirit, it says.

         Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V - Oh that Santraginean sea water, it says. Oh those Santraginean fish!!!

         Allow three cubes of Arcturian Mega-gin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzine is lost).

         Allow four litres of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it, in memory of all those happy Hikers who have died of pleasure in the Marshes of Fallia.

         Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qualactin Hypermint extract, redolent of all the heady odours of the Qualactin Zones, subtle, sweet and mystic.

         Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger. Watch it dissolve, spreading the fires of the Algolian Suns deep into the heart of the drink.

         Sprinkle Zamphour.

         Add an olive.

         Drink... but... very carefully...

         The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy sells rather better than the Encyclopaedia Galactica.

Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, ch. 2

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Martin Oehm

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